Eternal Warrior
by gyarulikthat2
Summary: "NINOMIYA-KUN!" ...RenjixOC POSSIBLY DISCONTINUED.
1. Enter the useless Heroine

Bleach: Eternal Warrior

Chapter 1

As I turned off my television, I sighed deeply, dropping my head right on the desk it was placed on. After a minute of me sulking of the soon to be bruise, My ocean blue eyes glanced at my clock. It was 12:30, meaning Bleach, my favorite anime, was over for the week. How I wished the Soul Society, Hollows, and especially Soul Reapers were real. Arrancars too, as long as I could stick my hand through their unneeded hole. But something like that will happen as soon as the people in New Orleans will finish cleaning up from Hurricane Katrina. Seven years and they still aren't done! No wonder we're called The Fat City. Back to the main story line. No matter how much I wish for them to be real, like hell that shat will happen.

I lay myself in my comfy bed, my brown-black hair spreading across the pillow and within seconds fell into a deep sleep about strawberry jam-filled marshmallows(My note: Those little pimps are good!) only to be interrupted an hour later by loud sounds outside my window. I couldn't help but think 'Oh my compass! What if it's Soul Reapers and Hollows fighting I'm gonna bust a cap laughing if the Soul Reaper gets eaten~' But decided to go with a more realistic thought process: 'It must be gang members come to fight outside my window, hoping I will see them and come save them and, as a pity ticket, I will buy their Mary, Juan, and Ana which they actually poisoned and I'll die on the spot and they'll take my body somewhere but actually, the poison makes me go all Juliet on them and I wake up from the poison and totally pwn them! Yeah! Pimp slap like a mofo!' Yes. That was more realistic. Especially the part about you actually having money to buy their marijuana.

I shoved my two thoughts in the back of my head and slowly rose from my bed and walked to the window and moved the blinds so I wasn't...blind...(Get it? No? Okay...) and peered outside.

…

It wasn't the gang-Juliet-poison thought that was shown to be correct. It was-"WHO THE HELL DARES COSPLAY IN MY FRONT YARD! I JUST PLANTED GARDANIAS! BITCHES!" I screamed to myself, turning to my closet and reaching for my sword at the top of it($12.99 from ebay. Score Bruv!) and speed-walked outside to confront the cosplayers.

"Hey! You two! Get ready for a cliché scene where I find out that you two actually aren't cosplayers and I find sthat the hollow behind the soul reaper is a real hollow and I totally pwn it like Chef Boyarde!" I yelled to the two men...if the hollow was a man, as I stood there, hands on my hips.

"You do realize you just spoiled the plot for your important scene right?" The soul reaper, who I realized after looking at him after a while was Ukitake Juushiro, Squad 13 captain, sighed, turning to me.

"The reader would have never realized it. But noooo. You had to go and point it out! At least I don't point out the fact that your hair is totally not naturally that color silver." I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest.

Ukitake looked at me with a slightly annoyed glance. "Little girl. This is my natural hair color. Where would I even get silver hair dye?" He inquired, taking a step towards me, completely ignoring the hollow.

I thought for awhile, tapping my chin and looking up and it finally came to me. "Sharpie bruv." I answered with a thumbs up. "It can dye yo' hair and the only drug your parents let you buy."

**Third P.O.V Boiiiii**

Ukitake stared at the girl, wondering if she was an idiot or if she acted this way when she was half couldn't believe she was joking when she said these things because she looked so serious saying them.

"Anyway. Since the readers already know what is going to happen thanks to the apparent heroine-

"I DON'T DO DRUGS!"

"I'll pretend to get a leg cramp and let you take over and kill this hollow." He said, moving to the side so the girl could kill the hollow.

"But...WHAT IF IT KILLS ME! I DON'T WANNA DIE BROSKI. I STILL NEED TO BE INVITED TO A COOL PERSON PARTY!" She whinned, looking from Ukitake to the hollow.

"Don't worry." He reassured with a smile.

"You... think I can-"

"You would never get invited to a party so you dying doesn't matter." He finished, still smiling.

"Hey hollow-san~ I'll let you live if you kill Gramps over there." She whispered to the hollow, nudging her head at Ukitake.

"I can hear you..."

"Oh my gosh. Are you Jesus?"

"Just let the hollow eat you already."

"Yes. My rordo." the girl replied, turning to the hollow and putting both her hands on her swords hilt. "Fatality!" She screamed, jumping in the air and slicing the hollow in half.

Wouldn't it be nice if that actually happened? Here's what actually happened: She ran at the hollow, screaming "Please don't kill me." and ended up somehow slicing it's arm off, which somehow killed it.

"They don't call me heroine for nothing you knowin'?" She asked to noone in particular while giving another thumbs up and one eye closed.

"You...Who are you?" After that confusing battle scene, it's only natural for Ukitake to want to know who she is.

"Aphrodite Pimpmaster 5000 Lord yo." She answered, trying to sound cool.

"I'm taking you to the Soul Society." He decided, grabbing Aphrodite's wrist and dragging her with him.

"Wait a minute!" She stopped and statched back her hand. "I'll go with you to the Soul Society, but let me have tomorrow to get ready."

Ukitake was going to insist she come now, but decided to give up, knowing she would bring up something pointless again.

"Fine. I will return tomorrow at midnight." He stated before leaving. It was then that it finally sunk in. "Holy Beelzebub! Soul Reapers ectica are real and I get to become a boss like them. Pimpin'!"

And this is the Heroine.

**Review and Favorite please~**


	2. What? You think this is wrong?

**Yes I realize Ukitake is out of character but when you need a straight character, you need one.**

**Recently, I took the Mary Sue lithium test for Aphrodite and another character coming up soon and Aphrodite's score was 102 and the other character's score was 28 but apparently the test isn't completely accurate seeing as Aphrodite is in no way the highest Mary Sue you could get. Also, my friend told me that Aphrodite basically makes fun of other Mary Sue characters... I can kinda see it :D**

**Chapter 2**

**Aphrodite's P.O.V**

I awoke the next day early, as usual, and watched about a million Bleach episodes(Ten) in hopes of learning spoilers and then I could be like some kind of freaking future-seeing person and all the Soul Reapers would love me and it would quickly become a male harem because of their love for me. OR, They think I'm some type of freak and set me on fire in front of everyone. Now that I think about it...that'd be pretty pimpin'.

"I wonder if my sisters will miss me yo." I murmured to my fat orange and white cat Jasper, who looked up at me, confusion in his sky blue eyes. "Of course you can't understand me. You only understand when I kick and hit you. Maso-Maso-chan~..." He was definetly a MAJOR masochist, seeing as I could punch, kick, put tabasco sauce on his mouth and he would still love me. Yes, I love him too I'm just a super sadist so we be sharin' that S-S-S-S...M-M-M...relationship you know?(Oh Rihanna. How I love that song and I loved it even more when I thought you were saying S-S-S-S...ham-ham-ham.)

"I hope you know cat, I'm taking me with you." this sentence caused Jasper's ears to turn back, making it obvious he was trying to show he didn't want to go. I simply scoffed at that. "Pssh. You don't get a say in what happens to you silly bucket of lard. It'll make you sad since you don't want to go? Who gives a remote? Only MY happiness matters. Selfish animal." I said the last words, shaking my head whilst shoving the fat ginger cat off my bed. If only he could talk. That would make everything so much funnier then it already is.

**Later that day bruv**

I was sitting outside of my window, waiting for Juu-chan, thinking about all the things I would miss from the human world, which would be alot of stupid things since I have no life. I just sit on my computer, watching my favorite youtube people whislt eating Taco Bell which is heaven in a taco, burrito, chalupa casing. I say heaven instead of meat because...WE ALL KNOW THAT AIN'T REAL MEAT!**  
**  
I sighed, bringing my knees to my chest and looking at the empty street infront of myself. It was almost an hour after he said he'd be here so I think he might be late. This is the point in the story where we figure out Juu-chan ended up encountering a hollow and needs my help or else he will die which I think would be pitiful and make him unfit to be a captain. Seriously. You, a captain-class Soul Reaper, need my help, which is like the help of a biodegradable, empty water bottle. Something's wrong with that Mona Lisa yo. I lay back on the grass and started rolling around saying "Hurry up! Hurry up!" which _would _be when he finally shows up.

"What? You think this is wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong: My phone bill was slowly increasing. I eventually got fed up with it and switched to a boost mobile phone, which is only $50 a month. Pretty good deal if I do say so myself." After reciting that, Juu-chan just continued to stare at me like he didn't know how to reply to that. Instead, he sighed and turned away from me. "Let's go." he then glanced back at me and asked, "Why is that animal in your arms? You aren't taking it with you."

"Jasper isn't an animal. He's a masochistic bucket of lard. And I am taking him with me. I'm not gonna say 'Try to stop me yo.' because you probably can stop me..."

"You aren't taking it with you. The academy doesn't allow animals in the dorms."

"Ah...so you didn't stay in the dorms."

"If you weren't my brother's daughter, I would've never done this for you." Juu-chan pinched the bridge of his nose after mumbling that statement.

"What? You're my dad's brother?" I asked him, then remembered my dad talking about a brother last time I talked to him in jail. Why'd my dad go to jail? Because one night, he went to a convinence store, which always had it's doors open otherwise the doors would lock and he ended up accidently closing the doors and when the police came, they thought he was robbing the store considering the fact that he had his money in his hand so now he's in jail for another year bruv.

"Yes I am Takero's older brother." Juu-chan stated, interupting my reminisancing about my father.

"...He's in jail now ya knows?"

"I guessed as much." he sighed, shaking his head.

After a few minutes of silence, I spoke up. "I know you're having fun, remembering your failure of a brother, but can we go now?" I figured since his mind was full of thoughts of Dad, he probably forgot all about Jasper so this would be a good time to leave.

"Fine." He replied, taking out his sword and piercing the air and turning his sword,  
which made big Shoji doors appear. When the doors slowly opened, it revealed a bright white light that blinded my eyes for a few minutes. The white haired man stared at me, until I finished clutching my eyes and screaming "THE LIGHT. OH HOW IT BURNS MY CORNEA!"  
Once I finished, he walked through the doors, myself following close behind.

"Get ready to run." He ordered when we arrived in Dangai, as I looked around, ignoring the foul scent it concieved.

"Huh? What do you mean?" No sooner had I asked that, I felt the ground start to shake. I slowly turned around and realized that the Kototsu was close behind us. "WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!" I sobbed to myself out loud, running as fast as I possibly could from the sweeper. **(AN: I was going to write something about Lee Na-Young and her almost death on a Korean drama...but I forgot...)**"JUUSHIRO-SAMA! WHERE IS THE GLORIOUS EXIT THAT I'M LOVING THE SOUND OF RIGHT NOW?"

"Just up ahead."

"Oh...How did I miss that?" Right infront of us was a white doorway which apparently was the exit.

The two of us then quickly ran through the white doorway, escaping the deadly Kototsu. I let out a sigh of relief and realized my body felt weird. My blue eyes snapped open to see myself, along with Juushiro, falling from the sky, which I was enjoying until...

"I just remembered something..."

"What?" the white-haired man looked at me with a questioning look.

"I have a trepidation of heights..." I mumbled quietly.

"Say it again. I couldn't hear you."

"I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS YO!" I quickly latched myself, Jasper in my arms, to the thirteenth captain's back with my iron grip while screaming YOLO.

"You can stop screaming now. We're on the ground." He looked back at me, who was still on his back.

"Oh." I replied, jumping off his back. "Ahem. Good work son." I looked around where we had landed, which was a grassy land near an apparent village. I looked up slowly at the taller man. "Why you suck son?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why didn't you have us end up where we went through the giant boss gate already in the Sereitei? Is it 'cuz you suck? Is it Uncle dearest?"

"No. It's because you're with me-"

"FUCK YOU!"

"..."

"Sorry. I had a moment there."

"I'm used to it. Your mother was like that." He stated

"Don't tell me; My mom is the sister of one of the other captains." FML if he said yes.

"No. Mother. They're your half-sibling; she had an affair with the captain's father before she met Takero."

"Aw yeah. Mommy was getting' that... everyday and night~."

"Let's start walking. We're wasting time standing here and talking." Juushiro began walking somewhat fast towards the village.

"Who is it?" I demanded, catching up to him.

"I will tell you when we see him." He answered, still walking fast.

"So it's a him..." I tapped on my chin, thinking of all the male captains that were candidates to be my half-brother. 'There's Gin, Aizen-' "Please don't tell me it's that rapist in glasses 5th squad captain."

"No. Close."...He didn't even deny Aizen was a rapist in glasses... Booyah~ After going through all of the male captains, only one possibly made sense in every way that he would be my brother.

"It's Captain Tousen isn't it?" I was damn sure it was him. Almost as sure as I was when I thought Lil' Wayne made a shout out to me in one of his songs.

Bitch he did. "How would that make sense Aphrodite? You're Asian and he's... you know..."

"Man you color stupid. I'm the blackest person you ever met. Believe it."

"Uh huh."

"I hate you."

"Captain Tousen is your half-brother." Juushiro looked at me with a straight face as he said those glorious words.

"REALLY!"

"No. Keep guessing." He replied with a childish smile I wanted to steamroll over so bad.

"...Anyone ever tell you that you're a bitch?"

"Anyone ever tell you that you aren't black?"

"My mommy did. She's dead. Like most main character's parents."

"Way to be original. Okay we've arrived." The taller man stopped infront a giant gate which I'm pretty sure is the one Ichigo pwned that giant guy at then Gin pwned everyone like a raging bitch on midol. Juushiro turned to me and stated, "From today here on to however long it takes, you will attend the Soul Reaper Academy and hone your skills to become a Soul Reaper, like Takero wished."

To this I let out a giant scoff. "Bitch please. The only skills I have are my rap skills. I ain't even good at running away; I get tired quickly and try to lay down on the ground every step I take like a cross-eyed cat."

"You'll learn skills that are actually useful. Like sword use, hado and kido, and running away without getting tired. And if those things don't help you in a battle, you can just 'rap' and scare the person away."

"Thank you. Jerk."

And I studied at the academy for about fifty motherfacking years but I must have found the spring of youth because I only look twenty or something along those lines. After I graduated, I was assigned in the real world to take care of some hollows, if you know what I mean...kill them. And I wasn't paying attention and now I'm dead. You have to post this story on 56,874 fanfictions with seventeen chapters in five seconds or I will visit you tonight and I will rap to you until you kill yourself.

.

.

.  
.

.

And Juushiro said I couldn't troll so hard motherfackers wanna find me. That shat crack. No. I didn't die...sadly.

**Favorite and review please~ And I will have chapter three up as soon as I can.**


	3. School Time

**So this chapter is basically Aphrodite's time during her academy years.  
Aphrodite: WAO. You finally updated. I thought you left me for Takayoshi T^T  
Me: I was bored so I updated this. And because I had ideas that I deemed impossible for Takayoshi's story. Calm down before I bite you to death.  
Aphrodite: As long as you only tell me that.  
Me: ….BYAKUYA-CHAN. DISCLAIMER PLEASE~**

**Byakuya: Why should I?**

**Me: I'll make you fall inlove with Aphrodite.  
Byakuya: The main story line, along with us characters all belong to Tite Kubo, exculding the author's original characters and story. **

**Me: GOOD BOY.**

**Third point of view**

"Everyone. Attention please. This is your new classmate." At the words 'new classmate', all of the soul reaper hopefuls silenced and turned their attention to the teacher, who was obviously an upperclassman since he wore the same uniform as the others in the classroom, and a smiling Aphrodite in front the classroom. "Alright. Please introduce yourself." He moved himself to the side, giving Aphrodite room to introduce herself.

'Don't rap. Don't rap.' She continued to tell herself whilst containing her almost over-flowing temptation to rap like there was no tomorrow. She cleared her throat and looked at the other students. "My name is Aphrodite Pimp master 5000 Lord. It's a pleasure to meet you all and I hope I can get along with everyone while I ignore my urge to rap like a mofo." The heroine turned her head to the teacher before asking where she would be sitting, to which he replied, "Anywhere. It doesn't matter."

"I don't want to fucking sit by some rumor-spreading whore who thinks she is pretty when she is really the ugliest creature to set foot on this world. I like sitting by those quiet kids that I cheat off of and they don't scream 'OMGFHENFBICIA! Sensei~ this girl is cheating off of me!' No lady. I can't cheat off of chicken-scratch shit like what you DARE call writing. You should go to jail. Right. Now."

"So in short, you want to sit by a stupid student that fails all of the tests he takes?"

"Yes Sensei. I can see the two of us really understand each other. I hope the two of us will not turn into Sensei to Watashiseeing as I find you ugly...Please don't fail me." The teacher, trying his best to ignore Aphrodite's comment of how he was ugly, pointed to an empty seat.

"Go sit there before you say something stupid again." He ordered, still pointing to the seat.

"Roger~." She replied, saluting him and began walking to the spot the teacher was pointing to, which was next to a person who was apparently sleeping. As she got closer, Aphrodite noticed a blue uniform, meaning it was a male, along with red hair tied in a spikey ponytail. Only when she was next to the sleeping body did it finally process... " #$&%^$%*$%&^$#%%&#%& #$-"

"WORDS CHILD!" The teacher turned from the board he began to scribble on to a jumping and screaming incoherently Aphrodite

"ABARAI RENJI! AH CAN I HAVE A PIECE OF YO' HAIR HOMEBOY!" Some how, even through Aphrodite's screaming and fangirling, Renji remained asleep, only stirring slightly. "Yes? I can? Oh thank you son." She quickly snatched a handful of hair in his ponytail, which made him wake up screaming.

"W-W-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU FREAK!" He held the remainder of his ponytail as he backed away from the fangirl. He looked at her hand which held his hair and pointed at it with a stupefied look. "Is that my hair?"

"No. It's my grandmother's I told her to quit with those social networks but did she listen to me? Noooooo~. So she paid the ultimate price." She replied with a straight face, looking at the tuft of bright red hair.

"D-Did you kill her?"

"No. What the hell is wrong with you? I died her hair red and gave her a hair cut. I keep this section of hair with me as a reminder of what social networks do to you." She gave Renji a disgusted look, shaking her head.

"Oh. Sorry..."

"Psh I'm just kidding bro. It's your hair."

"Give me back my hair!" He screeched, grabbing his hair from her hand.

"Whatever. I can just steal more next time you go to sleep."

"I'm never sleeping again." This was the first time Renji had come across a fangirl- especially for him- so he was somewhat flattered even if the crazy bitch tore out some of his precious hair.

"The two of you need to sit down now so I can continue teaching." Renji, unlike Aphrodite, had forgotten that the two were even if a classroom.

"Yes Renji-kun. Sit down. You're sticking out like a United States of America fag." Aphrodite had already seated herself , and was looking up to Renji.

"...You mean flag?" He asked, hoping she had said 'fag', not knowing she did.

"I make no mistake in my grammar. I am perfect yo."

"I'm going to forget you said that." He replied, sitting down next to her and staring at the board, creating silence between the two.

After a while of the two listening to the teacher ramble on about the history of the Soul Reaper, Aphrodite continued to glance at Renji.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" He finally asked after he was fed up with her blue eyes going to and from him.

"...I can cheat off of you when we have tests right?" She looked at him with hopeful eyes, clasping her pale hands together in front of her.

"No."

"Please? I promised Juu-chan I'd do good here."

"Then do good by yourself. Besides, who's Juu-chan?" He snapped at the girl.

"My uncle; Ukitake Juushiro." To this, the Red Pineapple craned his head quickly to her.

"You're the niece of the Squad 13 captain, Ukitake Juushiro?"

"...Why're you so surprised? He's not that great ya know? He made me kill a hollow when he could have easily done it in." She gave him a weary look, rubbing the back of her neck.

"You killed a hollow!" He asked, even more shocked then before.

"...I think so. I just cut off it's arm and it went away. It made me feel like a gangster."

"Aphrodite. I can hear you talking." The teacher spoke, back turned to the students.

"Oh my gosh.. How'd you learn to do that? Can you teach me, Kunihiro-Sensei?"

"It's too early for you Haruka."

"No way...and you even went through your way to save me when I attended my sister's marriage meetings. Why not Sensei? Why not? Even though...I love you so much..." Cue dramatic tears flowing down Aphrodite's pale cheeks as she spoke to her teacher, back still turned to her.

"Ninomiya-kunnn!" Sensei whipped around, tears also flowing from his slightly tanned cheeks.

"Sensei!" the younger female stretched out her hand in response to her elder's outstretched hand.

"What the hell are you two doing?"

"Acting." The two replied together, staring at Renji.

"Can we just get back to learning?" It's not like he _wanted _to learn, but anything was better than them acting like idiots.

"Ah, you're right Abarai. Aphrodite sit down." The teacher recomposed himself, turning himself back to the board and continuing to write.

"Okay Kunihiro-sensei." Aphrodite smiled, sitting herself down in her chair.

"It's not Kunihiro. It's Sayoshi.""Aye, sir." Once more, saluting her teacher.

**A week later**

"Renji! Renji! Guess what?" the black haired girl screamed to the red pineapple as she tore through the hallway and pounced on the taller male.

"W-What the hell?" Renji quickly batted her off as they fell to the floor. "Was there really a need to scream my name like that?"

"But...Justin Bieber and One Direction fans do it all the time." the female whinned, thinking of how she always wanted the join those girls. It seemed so fun.

"They're different."

"OH. IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE REAL GIRLS HUH?" Both rose to their feet as the young-soul reaper-to-be countered back.

"...Aren't you a girl too?" to this question, Renji received an awkward laugh from the girl, blue eyes shifting constantly. "...Right?"

"I'm just kidding!" Aphrodite laughed as she hit her classmate on the shoulder. "Of course I'm a girl. Sure, I'm no fashion model or a curvy ass girl, but what I do have," she motioned towards the left side of her chest, where her heart was located before continuing, "I have a heart. A heart full of never-ending love."

"Yeah. So why'd you scream my name like that?" Renji asked, happy to change the subject.

"Oh yeah...I found out who my brother is!"

"Who?" 'Since when did she have a brother...?'

"Kuchiki Byakuran." The shorter female smiled.

"...You mean Kuchiki Byakuya right?"

"Eh? But Byakuran is so much cooler..." Aphrodite pouted, turning to he side.

"Wrong show."

"That's what your mom said."

**Aphrodite: W-  
Me: Shut up.**

**Aphrodite: ….Why should we even call this a chapter? It's too short.  
Me: You're right. Let me go add more chapters to Takayoshi's story so it's never ending and just forget about you.  
Aphrodite:...You're the best author ever. Don't leave my side.**

**Renji:...You two are idiots.**

**Me: Quiet before I make you one of us. It wouldn't be too hard to make you a woman. Anyway~ Next chapter will be a fifty year time skip. Look forward to it. Please favorite and review~.  
**


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